Ghosts of...

She felt the warmth of the sun sending it's goodbye for the day as she walked side by side with him. There was a slight chill in the air, having rained an hour ago, with an occassional breeze playing with her hair. Birds sang around her as trees sighed, relishing the recent shower  they've had. The ground felt hard against her feet, her shoes clicking quietly against the cement, as her eyes, open, stared in front of her, seeing nothing.

There wasn't a single soul around and she suddenly registered Hei grabbing her hand.

'We're almost there' he said as Yin nodded to him.

Hei was lost in his own thoughts, eyes taking in every detail of his surroundings, always on the alert. It would be foolish to think the Syndicate wasn't on their heels. It was always there, watching and waiting for the right moment to ambush them and break them apart.

Yin sensed a change in her surroundings. There wasn't any warmth in the air, evening rapidly giving way to night, though she could feel a source of heat frequently.

Streetlamps, she decided.

The ground beneath her felt softer than before. There was no concrete seperating her and the earth anymore. Lots of voices reached her ears, a bright feeling, and suddenly her fear of getting lost blared in her head, impulsively making her tighten her grip around Hei's hand.

Hei registered her grip and stopped in compliance, yanking at her hand to do the same, which stopped her promptly.

'What's wrong?' Yin knew Hei must be bending down to her height, because she could hear her voice from somewhere before her, as opposed to hearing it from her side.

'Yin?' his grip on her hand tightened gently

She moved her head to the left, in an attempt of indicating the crowd, which Hei understood. He rested his arm on her shoulder assuringly.

'We're at the market, don't worry. Don't use the specter, okay?'

Yin nodded, facing where she could hear his voice.

'I won't lose you, Yin.' he said finally. before they resumed their  slow walk, hand in hand, closer than before.

She heard his voice change. Very common for him, but something she didn't grab quickly. He sounded happy. She looked to her side, at him. He isn't Hei anymore. She looked away. He's Li now.

Yin tuned out of Hei's conversation with various shopkeepers, inquiring and bargaining about fruits and vegetables. Instead, she concentrated on the almost missing warmth in the atmosphere, relishing it whenever she came close to a source of heat, and how Hei's grip  tightened every now and then.

His hold was gentle, even if it was tight. His grip was as welcome as the heat she wanted. Amidst confusion and uncertainity he was her anchor. She felt strangely happy and content  with him around. Like... like his cooking, she decided, with an almost invisible smile. Like Mao's fur, like the moonlight... like her mother.

Yin gasped as she realised Hei wasn't anywhere around her.

Where did he - ?

Panic seized her as she felt around with her arms, trying to locate him. Needing to.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

'Can you pack these for me?' Hei asked the shopkeeper, smiling.

'Sure, kid' the old man smiled before his attention got diverted

'What the - ?'

Hei looked over his shoulder, eyes widening as he did so. Not a second was wasted as he dropped his bags and hurried to her.

'Yin!' he called out, arms on her shoulders, the warmth stopping her in an instant.

She felt as though life returned to her.

'Hei' she breathed out softly, trying to calm herself down

'What were you thinking?!' he hissed, slightly shaking her by her shoulder

'Didn't you listen to what I said earlier?!'

Yin closed her eyes, pausing herself.

'You almost got your spectre out!'

She opened her mouth to say something, before her gaze fell downwards.

'Hei' she mumbled again, even lower.

He straightened, realising there was a reason to her freaking out.

'What's wrong?' he asked, letting his arms fall to his sides.

'Let's go back' she asked him.

He made a noise, to disagree when she grabbed his arm pleadingly. He paused, frowning, before letting out a sigh [worrying]

'Fine. But you're going to explain'

Yin nodded as he took her hand and returned to the shop.

'Sorry about that' he apologized, picking his shooping up and paying the man.

'Ah, young lady! She looks troubled' the old man said, returning some change.

Hei laughed casually, 'No, no. It's nothing, actually' before giving her a side glance; and sure enough, her expressions (not her eyes) betrayed her feelings. Hei's eyes narrowed further as he made his way out.

Silence continued as their companion for a while as they exited the market. A little furthur down the street, when Hei thought there were no people around, he let go of Yin's hand.

He didn't notice her stopping as he continued down the street. Yin's hand twitched, grabbing thin air, longing for the warmth again. Her (absent) gaze fell to her feet as she tried to catch up to him

'Hei?' she called out as he slowed his pace, but still refused to look her way.

'Sorry.' she said, still looking downwards.

He sighed in frustration. 'Don't be. I'm sure it wasn't your fault.'

Yin nodded, still not looking at him.

'Yin, I know you realise the position we're in. But just... try to be more careful, okay? Mao, Huang and the others... (Amber, Yin thought) don't let their sacrifice go waste.'

Yin nodded again. 'I'm sorry.'

Hei could hear people in large crowds exiting the market, knowing that wasn't a good thing, he looked at Yin.

'Let's go home quick, okay?'

They started off once again. Yin didn't take more than 5 steps when she felt something wrong. Someone knocked her off her footing from behind, and she felt her breath leave her,as did her contact with the ground. The next thing she knew, she was splayed on the ground, face down, her limbs throbbing with pain.

Hei looked behind just as she touched ground, his expression going from concerned to livid, hurrying to the fallen girl.

'Yin!'

'We're so sorry, sir! We weren't looking - '

'Are you all right?'

' - where we were - '

Yin opened her eyes, slowly, and turned to face Hei, as Hei breathed a sigh of relief.

'Lady, our profuse apologies!'

She nodded absently as she got to a sitting postion, head feeling dizzy.

Hei grimaced as he touched her forehead -

'It hurts' she said

- feeling the warmth of Yin's blood on his fingers.

'You're wounded, Yin. Hold on' he said as he slowly piggybacked her with her arms circling his neck automatically.

'We're sorry!', the men said, bowing to Hei.

'It's all right' Hei said, smiling, before turning away from the crowd and continuing away from the crowd, smile dropping the very next second.

'Are you okay?' he whispered to her, as he felt her breath on his neck hitch with pain.

'It hurts' she repeated.

Hei frowned. Sure she got a bruise on her forehead but it shouldn't be paining that much.

'Your head? I could slow down if you want me to.'

Yin shook her head, snuggling deeper into his shoulder

'... knee hurts' she mumbled with a slight wince

'You want me to slow - '

'No'

He frowned again. Even when she's hurting?

'What's wrong?' he asked, thinking of what could have disturbed her to such an extent, eyes fixed on the road ahead.

But Yin fell silent and did not answer him, mulling over memories long forgotten.

Nobody

It hurts like nothing ever. What you said that day, Thor, it hurts. Time and time again I thought it would be okay; Karin died anyway. And believe me when I say I don’t hate her for what she did. Actually, she didn’t do anything. It was you. You were always the special one, weren’t you, Thor? You broke the tradition of women choosing their men and turned it around. But I can’t blame you for that. You are the Ochre Ring’s First, after all.

Things could have turned back to normal if it weren’t that I remembered what you said every time I looked at you. Chen tried to hear me out. She really did; but I locked myself up. I must have looked pathetic. In the end, she gave me an understanding smile, and reassured me before going on her merry way with the Third.

And then when Karin died, you realised your Second’s post was empty and decided to place me there. I couldn’t have resented you more. I badly wanted to reject your offer. I am your second preference, huh? But then again, without you, Ochre Ring means nothing to me.

Then, one day, do you remember? You wanted to ‘talk’ to me. Whenever I think about it, I feel strangely happy. You do remember what my reply was, don’t you?

‘I’m not your sister, Thor.’

I know you were still mourning the death of Karin, but I didn’t care. I was busy despising you in anyway possible. Now, I want to clear this up, I don’t hate you; not for what happened, no. I don’t know if you remember or not – we have known each other for the longest time. In fact, we were engaged as soon as you landed on Chimera. It has been, what, four years since then? And in these four years, you couldn’t realise you didn’t love me that way? Four years, damn it! Four long years in which I dreamt we would be together – that’s what I hate you for. For giving me false hopes.

Couldn’t you find one minute between us to tell me that? Confess your true feelings and we would have been on our ways? You didn’t know how I would react? Well, sure, I would have thrown a fit and done anything to stop you from breaking the engagement. But at least I would have understood. When Karin came along, it seemed like a lame excuse to push me away, to say I’m like your ‘sister’. It was lame, Thor, really lame.

It really confused me as to why your decisions and interests changed at once when you went with Zagi. Suddenly, Karin becomes your Second, and I become someone like you sister. How was I supposed to anticipate that you would suddenly fall for a girl you met less than a week ago, and turn your long – ago engaged Second into your sister?

And then again, during your confession, remember when I asked whether I wasn’t enough and you said you were sorry? You hurt me then, too, Thor. I was enough and capable and competent for as long as I could remember, but in less than a week I am not enough for you, am I?

Well, screw this. I don’t care about you, or your thoughts. I really don’t give a damn.

‘Do you still love me?’ you ask. I don’t how you can even dare.

But I’m not your Second anymore to follow you wherever you go. Oh, no. I have the resignation letter right now in my back pocket. I’ve been waiting for the right moment to throw it to your face, and the way you’ve tried to make up for all the blunders you did made it the perfect time. I don’t care about you apology, Thor.

I turn around, my back facing you, as I take out the letter and throw it at you with precision. You don’t read the latter, but wait for my answer as I grab for the door knob.

‘Tiz!’ you call out.

I snort. How I had hoped each day that I would wake up to that voice every morning; to your voice.

Things were much easier when we were children, weren’t they?

My hand lingers briefly on the door knob before I wrench it open and make my way out.

/You’re like a sister to me./

‘No, Thor. Never again.’

You’re nobody to me.

08.07.09

3:15 a.m.

Forever Friends

Their first meeting isn’t even a meeting, or even an introduction. Sasuke just looks on from afar as Sakura cries in the playground leaving him to wonder what is wrong with her.

Exactly after two days, their second meeting takes place in the same location, with Sakura in the same situation. But this time, Sasuke walks up to her, and actually looks at her.

At first, he thinks she’s ethereal.

/pink hair and pale face with jade optics. Oh, is she a beauty. Not that kind of beauty that makes you want to fall in love, but the beauty described by his mother in fairytales. The enchanting beauty./

But then he remembers she’s crying.

/Ethereal beings don’t cry, do they?/

‘Hey, you!’ he calls out.

Frightened eyes meet his steady ones. Sasuke stares, surprised by the fear in her eyes.

/You won’t hurt me, will you?/

He slides onto the ground beside her as she hiccups, and hastily rubs her tears away.

‘What’s wrong? Why are you here all by yourself?’ he asks, looking at her.

‘I…’

‘Hm..?’

‘They – they bully me because I have a huge forehead’ she mumbles.

Sasuke smiles and puts his palm on her forehead and brushes away her hair. He laughs softly before retracting his arm.

‘You know, my brother, Itachi, says that people with big foreheads are lucky!’

‘Lu – lucky?’

‘Yes, because they can store more information than normal people. They are geniuses!

‘Re – really?’ she sounded unsure.

‘You should believe me. My brother is always right!’

‘I –‘

He looks at her crossly, as she suddenly whimpers and clutches her left arm in pain. Sasuke notices this and takes her injured arm.

‘Does it hurt?’

She really wanted to bawl her eyes out at the pain. He looks at the newly forming tears in her eyes and places a gentle kiss on the wound

/Her heart goes thump thump./

A moment of silence passes.

‘Does it hurt less?’

/Yes, Sasuke kun. It doesn’t hurt at all!/

‘My mother says it makes the pain go away.’

She blushes and retracts her hand as he lets go.

‘Thank you, Sasuke kun.’ is all she says, burying her face in her knees.

‘Hey! You know my name!’ he exclaims, looking happy.

/Of course I do. Who doesn’t?/

But a frown descends on his face.

‘… I don’t know yours’ he says, smiling sheepishly.

‘Ha – Haruno Sakura.’

‘Hm.. Sakura?’ he says uncertainly. ‘But you smell like oranges!’

/I like oranges, Sakura. They’re sweet, and tangy and so heaven like. Don’t you too?/

Sakura turns a shade of red before mumbling something incoherent.

‘You aren’t brave at all!’ he states rather rudely.

She flushes again, but opens her mouth to retaliate.

‘Anyway -’ he continues, effectively cutting off whatever she wanted to say. ‘- the next time they come, you tell them you’re angry, and do this’ he says, which makes her automatically face him.

Sasuke draws his eyebrows nearer, narrows his eyes and emits a small growl from the back of his throat.

‘I can’t do that.’ she says softly.

‘Yes, you can! You just have to learn to hate!’

‘H – Hate?’ she says uncertainly.

‘Yes. If you hate, you get angry. If you get angry, you get brave!’

He is the Uchiha prodigy after all.

‘O – Okay.’

He looks around and suddenly realises the time.

‘I have to go now’ he says, getting up and facing away.

‘W – wait!’ she calls out.

He turns back to see her getting up and dusting her clothes off. Then, she plasters a shy smile on her face.

‘C – Can we be friends?’

/You’ll be my first friend. Please say yes?/

Sasuke blinks slowly and then beams at her, nodding his head excitedly.

‘Yes.’

/First friends? Best friends? Forever friends?/

Sakura smiles radiantly.

‘Thank you, Sasuke kun!’

Sasuke waves to her

‘Bye! See you!’

He walks away leaving Sakura giddy with joy.

[Two days later:]

‘See?’ he states as they both walk away from the Academy ‘my plan worked! You were angry at them, weren’t you?’

She stares at him confused, and then smiles at him.

‘No, Sasuke kun. I wasn’t angry at them. Ino was angry at them.’

‘Ino?’

‘Yes! She’s my bestest friend, Sasuke kun!’

/His eyes widen and his heart beats erratically./

‘Bestest?’

/Then what am I, Sakura?/

‘Yes, Sasuke kun. Bestest!’

Sasuke’s features darken as he scowls and walks away faster.

‘Wait! Sasuke kun! What’s wrong?!’

/What’s wrong? You are the genius with the wide forehead. Go figure./

And she does. It takes her exactly 6 seconds to understand and laugh at him.

/You thought I wouldn’t consider you my friend anymore, didn’t you?/

Hearing her laugh, he quickens his pace.

‘Hey, wait!’ Sakura says, running to catch up to him.

‘What is it?’ he asks, stopping for her, still brooding.

Sakura, now facing him, smiles her trademark, radiant smile and hugs him tightly.

/His heart goes thump thump/

‘But we are forever friends, Sasuke kun!’ she whispers in his ear.

/Forever and forever and forever and forever!/

Sasuke smirks into her hair and whispers back

‘Of course, I know that’

She moves back and looks him in the eye, pouting slightly.

‘But I’m the one with the wide forehead! I’m the genius!’

He shrugs ‘I’m genius-er’

‘Ha! But I’m the genius-est! I even helped you in today’s test!’ she exclaims, pounding her fist in the air, eyes blazing with childish happiness that she just outdid Sasuke.

And Sasuke stares at her in silent admiration, more than happy to be in her company.

Then comes the ill – fated day; the day when Sasuke returns late from his shuriken practice, the day he finds his aunt and uncle with whom he had talked 12 hours prior, lie dead on the ground; the day his whole clan is slaughtered just to check the strength and capabilities of Sasuke’s pride, Uchiha Itachi.

The day Sasuke is broken; the day he started his second life – an avenger’s life.

His brain dies. All he remembers is a lot of blood, his own miserable cries, his brother’s mockery, loneliness, hatred and his ambition to strive for revenge.

/It’s always so dark, isn’t it?/

A week after his discharge from the hospital, Sakura finds him in the practice ground.

‘Sasuke kun?’

He busies himself throwing his arsenal at the already mutilated straw doll.

/I brought you tomatoes./

‘Sasuke kun?’ she calls a little louder this time.

‘What do you want?’ he asks, not facing her.

Sakura winces.

/Cold./

‘I – I brought you lunch’

‘I don’t need it. Go away.’

/Cold./

/Won’t you even look at me?/

‘But - ’

‘Who are you anyway?’ he asks, finally facing her, irritated.

A part of Sakura’s heart dies that day.

‘I’m –

/(Ha – Haruno Sakura)

(You smell of oranges)

(Does it hurt?)

[A soft kiss]

(Friends?)

(Thank you, Sasuke kun!)

(Forever friends!)/

‘See -’ he glares at her ‘you aren’t associated with me. Don’t make me start hating someone I don’t even know.’

Tears start flowing from the jade optics he once thought made her look beautiful.

/(Next time, tell them you’re angry)

(You have to learn to hate)

(Forever friends)

(You are not brave at all!)

[A glare]

(This is what you do)

(Forever friends!)

(I know that)

(I’m the genius!)

(Forever and forever and forever and forever!)/

/ Where is the forever, Sasuke kun? /

‘Get out of my way.’

/(We’re friends forever, Sasuke kun!)

(Why are you here all by yourself?)

[Soft touch.]

(…Wide foreheads are lucky)

(Genius-er!)

He walks away, and this time Sakura doesn’t ask him if he wants to be friends with her, or laugh at his back and run up to him to hug him.

She crumbles to the ground, fisting her young hand in the soft mud, while her lips tremble.

/ Where is it, Sasuke kun? The forever you said you knew about? /

‘I’ll learn, Sasuke kun! I’ll learn to hate. I’ll do it for you, Sasuke kun.’

/ Then maybe you’ll remember me.

Say I smell of oranges

And remember that we are supposed to be forever friends. /

---------------------------------

Naruto. SasuSaku. 13.09.10

no happy endings, no straight lines.

Life doesn't always have a happily ever after.
. . . 
It was another of those times when Sasuke really cursed his existence. He knew of the rough life he was forced to lead, he knew all the hardships he faced. But he was rewarded; he was reunited. He was accepted, loved and cared for. And when he was thinking that may be he too could have the enigmatic happily ever after, Fate decided she has been too kind to him and screwed his life up all over again.
Sasuke was rigidly seated on a hospital bench, glaring holes at anything that his eyes met, and muttering curses once in a while.
'-'kura chan' a voice mumbled to his right and he saw Naruto gazing anxiously at the operation room where the red light was still on, indicating that she was still fighting to live. Sasuke's gaze fell down back to his lap and he frowned as his fists clenched.
She was the source of his sorrow.
'She'll be okay, right?' Naruto's voice quivered.
/No, Naruto/
'Right?'
'Hopefully'
'...we will meet at the bridge..'
'Hn.'
'...and she'll scare me with her crazy fists just because I haven't bathed...'
/There'd be no one for Naruto to 'Sakura chan' anymore/
'...and on the third saturday, we still get to do a sleepover at your house...'
/There'd be no one to 'Sasuke kun' me anymore/
'...oh, and of course! We'd still do missions together, and everything will be okay...'
/There'd be Team 7 no more./
'...and...'
'SHUT UP!'
Sasuke growled, clenching his hands yet again. He was not going to comfort Naruto by weaving illusions and lies around them. He was not going to say everything is okay.
/Nothing is/
Naruto promptly fell silent, sliding to the floor and resting his head on his folded knees.
Sasuke felt uncomfortable. He felt agitated. He felt... hurt.
/Tsunade gave up hope. TSUNADE gave up hope.
Doesn't she care enough?/
Sasuke scoffed as soon as the thought passed through his head. He wasn't worthy to ask such a question when, not so long ago, he was the one who didn't care enough.
Footsteps echoed as people rushed into the congested hall. Konoha 12, all of them, gathered there. Tenten quickly regained her breath and asked in a hurry:
'How is she?'
Sasuke expected Ino to question him first, but one glance at her told him she was feeling sick. She knew something horrible was going to happen. She just knew it.
Not having heard Naruto's reply, Sasuke spoke up the bitter truth
'No hope.'
The only thing Sasuke saw before blonde and orange obstructed his view was that Ino had slid to the floor, her legs too weak to support.
Thinking something to happen is always different from actually hearing it.
'How DARE you!' Naruto pinned him to the wall, faint traces of red leaking into his irises.
'The truth, Naruto!'
'Bullshit! You just agreed that she'd be fine! Don't you dare go back on your word, temé!'
Everyone just looked on; too shocked to move.
'What does your head say, Naruto?'
Knowing is different from believing
'T-That's irrelevant!'
/You know you believe what Tsunade said too. I know that you do./
Sasuke snorted.
'Really? So you want to live in a world of falsities and lies, do you?'
That perhaps that today never existed?
'TEMÉ!'
That may be I am not to be blamed for what happened?
'... Let go, Naruto.'
'What?'
Guilt. That was what stopped Naruto, and brought him back to his senses. He could sense guilt in his voice. That and sorrow. Painful sorrow.
May be that we never went on that mission?
'Sasuke, are you okay?
May be that there never was a Haruno Sakura to begin with? A girl filled with life and joy, with hopes and aims, wishing to share her joy and suffer through the pain.'I'm not  okay, OKAY?! Now just shut the hell up and let go of me, dammit!' he yelled, yanking his  clothing from Naruto's fist and stomping off.
/What am I thinking? She isn't dead yet!/
But his pessimistic side, or as he liked to call it, his logical side replied
When Tsunade says there's no hope, there's no hope.
'Shit! Damn every fucking thing!'
He'd do anything to go back and correct his mistake. He'd give up everything to see her alive.
. . .
He trudged slowly along the road, ignoring the whispers people made. He was sure people were even pointing at him behind his back. But this wasn't anything new. Humiliation has been one of his newest friends of late. He felt dizzy. He didn't want this, but then again, no one did.
If only he could let go of these regrets and make everything okay.
His head was numb. It was a wonder he even found his way back to his home. Stepping in and locking the door behind him, he fell into the couch. He didn't get up to switch on the light. He couldn't.
He was tired. Dead tired of everything the world offered him at the moment.
And as usual, darkness brought with it it's playmate, the one thing Sasuke feared the most. Memories. But he did nothing to ward them off. He looked at the unlit tubelight with numb fascination as he relived the day's events. His nightmare.
================
It was been a mission; an A class. They were to deal with the Grass nin to the north west of the Land of Fire and stop them from reaching Konoha; ward them off, injure them, kill them. Anything as long as they didn't reach Konoha.
Team 7 and two teams of chuunins were assigned, with Sasuke as the captain. Everything went well. They reached the location in due time and scanned the area throughly. Sure enough, a little army, about 14, of Grass nins were relaxing in the clearing.
'Now that is great timing' Sasuke thought, smirking to himself.
Things couldn't get any better.
All he needed then was a plan. He posted a chuunin near the Grass' camp to report of their motives. And they found out soon enough. Kyuubi.
Sasuke frowned.
/Since when was the Grass interested in Kyuubi? Unless Akatsuki...
Damn. Since we don't know the ranks and capabilities of these nins, it'll be a risk to bring Naruto into battle. But if this mission is to succeed, we need him action./
'We need a distraction -' he announced to his team. The chuunins looked hopeful '- and I don't want chuunins. They are an easy bait. I want someone who can stand ground.'
His eyes meaningfully rested on Sakura, who nodded at once. 'I'll go.'
He could've gone instead of her. He could've told the team his plan and hope that they executed it perfectly. But no.
Those who don't follow rules are trash.
He was arrogant. Afterall, he was the team leader; they had to obey him.
But those who don't care about their team mates are worse than trash.
In a moment, Sakura was ready for Sasuke's signal. She trusted him.
She trusted him. Sasuke knew that a long time ago. But what he realised later was that she trusted him foolishly. She didn't ask him of the plan. She was ready to jump in the fray just like that. She was ready to be the pawn without knowing whether or not she'll even wake up the next day. God, she trusted him foolishly, blindly, selflessly.
[Sasuke felt disgusted with himself.]
She left his side the next second as the Konoha nins waited with sick anticipation.
'She has to succeed. Has to. HAS TO!' his mind screamed
[Even then, the mission was all he cared about. Not her, a pawn.]
It was a full six minutes later that Sasuke's heart dropped to his toes. That he realised distractions and ambushes can be predicted; and that his plans weren't as foolproof as he believed them to be.
The seventh minute was very happening. Sakura's scream echoed through the clearing; Naruto lost hold on the Kyuubi; and Sasuke suddenly felt helpless.
By the twenty-seventh minute, it was all over; and by the seventy-seventh minute, they were all in Konoha's hospital, with Sakura piggybacked on Naruto's back; and Sasuke's hopes crushed.

-------------------

Swallowed in the Sea

Fiction

Honey and Clover.
                                                               

Sometimes, things happen so abruptly that it topples your world, like it's nothing. Nothing. And you have to get used to looking upside down.
                                                                 

The only memory I have of that day was of my heart pounding hard, real hard, the difficulty in breathing, and of the sweat pouring down my face.

You must be joking!

I wanted to scream at him

I talked to her just an hour ago!

But a strange lump that formed in my throat as soon as Takamoto told me the news, was holding my voice prisoner.

You're lying!

He looks away, unsure of how to react.

'Mayama', he says, coming closer, 'just calm down. Here.', he says drawing a chair at the table. 'Sit down...'

I clutch my shirt tightly.

'...and breathe for God's sake!', he yells.

But dammit, I am trying to breathe!

'The accident-'

And dammit all! It's just getting harder to breathe

I tune out of Takamoto's reporting. I think he knows I'm not listening, but he continues anyway. I don't stop him; I can't stop him. I still haven't found my voice.

Yamada....

I force myself to breathe and wheeze a 'Let's go' before rushing out.

I need to see her.

But Takamoto stops me as I head for the door.

'What?', I snap.

He shakes his head slowly

'She's still in surgery. They won't allow visitors until tomorrow'

'But there's no one with her!'

'Hagu's there, don't worry.'

'Hagu?'

'It was only because of Hagu's ID that somehow ended in Yamada's bag that they were able to contact her. Here -' he says handing me a plastic bag.

And suddenly, I couldn't breathe again.

The object in the plastic bag made my head spin. I felt dizzy

Yamada's prized cell phone, her very first mobile, was sitting in the bag, a hundred pieces and more.

Ayumi....

I breathe out through my mouth and get back to the kitchen for a smoke

'I need to call Shinobu' he says.

'I don't see the need to worry him.' I say, 'It's just an accident. You don't want him rushing from the U.S., do you?'

'Yeah, but - hey, Mayama' his tone goes from understanding to anger. I raise an eyebrow in question.
'How can you be so damn calm?!'

'Just like how you can' I reply

Who the hell said I was calm? He saw me when he told me about her, didn't he?

'Oh yeah, in case you didn't know, I was with Hagu when they took her into surgery and it frikkin' took me long enough to just stop the shaking!'

My heart painfully stops beating for a second as I swallow painfully.

'It really is that bad, huh?'

Takamoto suddenly looks regretful.

'I'm sorry. Of course you would be in pain.'

Pain? Well he got something right.

Takamoto takes a seat across mine at the table, to which I had unconsciously returned.

'Remember when Yamada got her cell phone?'

Another jolt of pain surges with the memory

'She kept calling us thrice a day to remind us she had a mobile'

'Yeah...' he drifts off.

I sigh heavily as her last call to me plays in my head.

'Hey Mayama! *a small laugh* What are you doing? I called Rika just now. She said you needed to see me. I know what it is. It's *a pause*  about work, isn't it? Well, come on right up. I'm in the pottery store. You know where that is, right? Hurry up, okay?'

Yamada, you've always tried to hide behind your mask just to see me happy, haven't you?

Guilt creeps inside me.

If ever you confess, I want to turn you down properly. That's what I said, didn't I? You did confess, time and time again. But I've never turned you down. Nomiya did say that I kept you in reserve if ever Rika turned me down. I wanted to challenge Nomiya on that, back then. But now, I'm not sure. May be he's right....

May be I enjoy hurting you.

Takamoto's cell phone buzzes to life and he excuses himself, going out. I don't move, smoking the last of my cigarette and watching the clouds dispelling.

It's funny. It's only when such horrible things happen that a person starts wondering if they did anything to them that they regret.

I almost laugh.

Everything I did to you is worth regretting.
                                                                                      

Look after you.

Fiction

Rain, is gentle. It is calm and blissfully serene. It wawshes off the dirt from everything and turns the world bright. It's light pitter patter makes you want to dance.
-x-

Hey, Kakashi-sensei, are you listening, yeah? What are you doing, I wonder. Hmm.. Wait. I don't want to know. Anyway, you can't speak to me, can you? Well, wherever you are, I'll be joining you in a bit, and then we can have all the fun we used to have.


You know, for a man who was late for everything, you sure left us early. I thought you'd always look after us, and you even promised it, remember? But like everytime, you broke this promise too, didn't you? I don't blame you, sensei. But I really was mad at you then. Naruto and I waited for hours, but you just wouldn't show up! Incase you forgot, you owe me a lunch. You promised it! I'm coming there to get it, just you wait!

Oh, and do you remember? On that day it was raining too. Very heavily. Naruto, who had actually come to pick me up from the gates was forced to stay because I wouldn't budge. And when we could make out figures through the heavy rain, our hearts leapt with anticipation. It turned into a dull throb the very next second, because it wasn't you; it was Tsunade returning from inspecting the area. She yelled at us, but we didn't move an inch, so she simply dragged us in, like we were some 5 year-old kids. Honestly!

From that day on, I hated the rain with all my heart. Because from the next day, I couldn't find you with your stupid STUPID book anywhere! You were permanently late for all your appointments and you made me cry, Kakashi! That's right, there's no 'sensei' for you anymore! You ought to be punished!

=================================

Yamato looked around, worried. The damned rain only increased his anxiety. Shinobi couldn't see well in the rain, and their shinobi were missing. Ever since a cerrtain medic was missing, his head wasn't the same. Just thinking of the possibilities made his heart race up to his throat. Kakashi entrusted Sakura to him.

Damn it.

'Kiba!', he called out.

A few moments later, Kibs atop Akamaru arrived, panting, in the rain.

'Sakura's missing', the older one spoke.

'Understood. Hop on!'

Truthfully, Kiba was practically out of fuel. The pain from his wounds and exhaustion were building up. But Sakura was more important. He had promised Naruto....

=================================

700 meters away from Kiba, and the rest, a Konoha nin was lying under an old tree, the only thing that protected her from the much despised rain. There was a large gash on her head which was bleeding pretty badly. Her arms and legs were scratched like the straw doll they use for target practice. Two pairs of her ribs were broken, paired with a punctured lung. She had no chakra and breathing was becoming difficult by the second. She coughed, as blood came splurting out. She laughed dryly - she knew.

Haruno Sakura knew that there were only a few seconds seperating her from Kakshi and ---

===============================

'Naruto, You dork! Just wait till I get there! You were audacious enough to leave all of us behind, weren't you! And more importantly, I'm going to skin you alive for leaving Hinata...
                   ... but, of course, you're already dead, huh?

You know what, Naruto? When Sasuke left us and Team 7 was officially disbanded, I thought the heartache would be the end of me. But thinking about you, Naruto, just thinking about you not with us, not laughing and not spreading your warmth and determination.. God! It was so painful! You weren't like my brother, Naruto. You were my brother.

I know if you could still talk to me, you'd have thrown up your hands in exasperation and said 'Sakura chan, move on already!' or something like that. But Naruto, you should know that I'm not joking when I say that I did try to. A part of me wanted do move on badly, but the other part just wanted to clutch all the memories together and drown with them. It hurt a lot, Naruto.

I never knew I could feel and bear this much pain, Naruto. Thanks for pushing me and strengthening me. I owe you one. I moved on as I promised, Naruto, and now, I'm on the last page of my journey. Life has been short, and yours even shorter, but it's been good, right?

.... Right, nii-chan?

===============================

For you, Shizzzzzzzy! XD

All right. Scheherazade sounds like Charizard, so I'm withdrawing that, and simply calling you Shizzy. Breathe in relief, young one!

Lol, and this is (technically not) my first post here, which will be for yeh, meh. XD

Manga/Anime:

1. One Piece
2. Beyblade
3. Pokemon (seriously such a downer)
4. Digimon
5. Saber Marionette J
6. Teen Titans
7. Blackcat
8. Card Captor Sakura (my very first anime, YAY)
9. Chronicles of the Wings (didn't/couldn't complete)
10. Detective Conan (Conan x Ran FTW!)
11. Tantei Gakuen Q (Detective School Q)
12. A.T.O.M
13. Transformers (the whole lot. Megatron should just be sent to a scrap market) -.-
14. Ninku (pretty old XD)
15. Totally Spies
16. Martin mystery
17 Yu-Gi-Oh! (Mmm... Atemu x Anzu) *melts*
18.Duel Masters
19.Galactk Football
20. Am Drivers (God!! I'll die of happiness if anyone could tell me where to find anything remotely related to this!!)
21.Oban Star Racers (Didn't complete)
22.ex'D (Ex-Drivers) awesome, I tell you!
23.Mirmo (used to watch it on POGO, in Hindi. Bleh)
24.Gakuen Alice (Alice Academy) (Natsume x Alice!!!)
25.UFO baby (don't remember much!) :'(
26.Ninja Robots  (I watched it when I was in third standard XD)
27.Brain Power'd (Was good while it lasted... and decent) -_-"
28.Full Metal Alchemist (Nothing is/can get awesome-er than this!)
29.Princess Comet (Rubberbaaaaall!! XD)
30.Princess Tutu (need to get started on it again)
31. Dbz  (get lost XP)
32. Wolf's Rain (forgot everything related to it) :'(
33. Ben 10 (get lost.... but Gwen's awesome XP)
34. Dear Boys (the destination for very bad animation)
35. Playball (cut it out. I hate it muchly)
36. Hungry Heart (carrot head, heck yeah! The AU version of Ichigo XD)
37. Inu Yasha (uh-huh. Sesshomaru pwns IY any day :P)
38. Ranma 1/2
39. The Law of Ueki
40. Gun X sword
41. God(?) Save our king
42. Blood+
43. Pucca (serious LOL)
44. Fantastic Children
45. Curious Play (don't remember much. Except a book. And revenge I think XP)
46. Di-gata Defenders
47. Kamichu!
48. Kino's journey
49. Magikano
50. Midori days
51. R.O.D
52. Skyland (what's this? I seriously don't know!!)
53. Fate/stay Night
54. Witch hunter Robin
55. Rink of Glory (Ginban Kaleidoscope)
56. Cowboy Beebop
57. Sigma 6 (GI Joe related. Love Scarlette!)
58. Adventures of the Tweeny Witches
59. ultimate muscle-kinikuman legacy (don't know why I even watched this)
60. Angel Tales
61. Black Jack
62. Xiaolin showdown
63. American dragon
64. Get Ed
65. Dragon Booster (or, as I prefer, Rooster)
66. Kim Possible (lmao!!)
67. Shin chan
68. Kochikame (funny one!)
69. Winx club (nope. not me. I don't watch it)
70. Street fighter
71. Trinity Blood
72. Death Note (need to restart with this. I don't know much!)
73. Samurai X
74. Ran the Samurai Girl (forgot about this, as well)
75. Jigoku Shoujo- Hell Girl (awesome soundtrack it has!!)
76. Slam Dunk
77. .//hack-sign of twilight
78 .//hack-roots
79. W.I.T.C.H
80. Air gear
81. Naruto
82. Bleach
83. K-On!
84. Darker than BLACK
85. Nurarihyon no Mago
86. Beelzebub
87. Fairy Tail
88. Kaichou wa Maid Sama. (stopped watching)
89. Prince of Tennis (Ryoma x Sakuno!!!)
90. He-he-he-HELLSING XD
91. La Corda D'oro Primo Passo (the guys were getting too irresistable, so I stopped XD)
92. Nodame Cantabile (Chiakiiiii I am hungry! XD)
93. Yu Yu Hakusho (to a little extent) BOTAAAAAN!
94. Eureka 7
95. Gurren Lagann
96. Gunslinger Girl (OMG!)
97. Mahou Sensei Negima!
98. Samurai Deeper Kyo
99. 666Satan (or O-Parts Hunter)
100. Air Gear (opening song is amazing *.*) stopped.
101. Alive
102. Kaze no Stigma (Stigma of the Wind) (Kazumaaaa! *drools*)
103. Asatte no Hoko (Living for the day after tomorrow) (a beautiful one, I felt)
104. Blassreiter
105 Keroro Gunso (Sergeant  Keroro) Serious LMAO this is!
106. Honey and Clover (I miss this much!) :'(
....

That'll be it for now. And, no I didn't write this up right now. I copied it off of my Orkut (hence the mix up of Japanese and American anime) XD
Now I'm off to read some Beelzebub!